He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
