Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize