awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
