I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
