Quick, to the slutcave!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
