What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
