Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
