from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
