I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
