hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You pole danced in your parka.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
