why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize