I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
