Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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