Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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