I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
