Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
