I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
