I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
