I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
