guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I won the penis lottery.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
