i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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