My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize