Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
our cab driver is having phone sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
