I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my liver is dry heaving
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
