so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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