Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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