tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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