She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
