roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
