i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
high people should be assigned attendants
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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