i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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