I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
