Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize