Taylor Swift is so right about you.
another moral hangover. fuck.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
