i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
