The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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