woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hippo gnu deer
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
