4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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