goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love accidental penises.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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