Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
