duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
