Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
