Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
