guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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