Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
