Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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