...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
