ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My penis needs a shock collar
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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