Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
