so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
