your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
