Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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