we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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