my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize