How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize