Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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