i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
