Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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