I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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