Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
