Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
