Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
