We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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