im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
