I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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