I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
