hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
