I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize