This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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