My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
