Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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